Renew yourself daily

(This photo was taken for a photo-essay assignment in my grad class last year for the fabulous Kevin Burke. It is a mural inside of the school where I did my student teaching. )

I first experienced half-pigeon pose in Margo's vinyasa 2 yoga class one Wednesday evening. It was the most difficult pose I had experienced. Not difficult in the sense that I couldn't find a way to fit my leg there or here or around there, but difficult mentally and physically. This isn’t one of those cool and graceful looking poses, at least not when I do it. It is excruciating. Lying there for about 3 minutes used to be nearly impossible. Mind wandering, I would nearly be crying by the time she finally counted down the last ten breaths.While in pigeon, I have to accept and even embrace the pain of the pose. I breathe into it, giving my muscles the breath they need to survive even though each breath brings more discomfort. Soon, one leg will go numb. Each time I feel that familiar tingling sensation, I let out a little smile. By then, I know I’ve made it.

That feeling of absolute relief and simultaneous fear throngs itself forward. Fear of what? That my hips would cramp up? that all those crazed emotions would pour forth into public light? I'm not sure which was stronger. This was renewal for me.

I try to remind myself of this advice on those long days when I'm ready to pull my hair out. Heck, I remind myself this on the short days when I have a to-do list longer than I am inches tall.

For me, this is part of teaching that I LOVE. It is a built-in opportunity for me to renew myself each day. Students are forgiving (even if districts, policy-makers, and fox news reporters may not be...). One day I may be ready to crack, but it's the nature of my profession and my personality that I go home, reflect, and come in with a fresh start the next day. Even if my enthusiasm or my renewed confidence is a facade, it forces my to recharge and renew.

I suppose I don't need to walk past this mural everyday to remind me that self-renewal is what helps me to grow. It was there for me when I first needed it, though.